I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
