you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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