you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
