I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
