if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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