She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
