tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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