When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
