She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
