yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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