dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
