I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's like iHOP with fire
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
