Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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