glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
