i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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