Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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