There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
