Ambien. No doubt about it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
