She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
