After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
