ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
