I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
