I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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