Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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