shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
