I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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