mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
