She said her name was "party"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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