and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
