I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
