matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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