he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
