just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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