I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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