just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
