If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
