Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
