In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
