I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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