Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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