I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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