Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Holy sore nipples Batman
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
