I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
