so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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