We're facebook friends in real life
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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