Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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