You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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