i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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