Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
