I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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