I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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