Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
