God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
