the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize