guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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