They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why do cheetos always look like penises
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
