Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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