They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
