fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
