Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
