Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
