it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
