Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
