i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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