I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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