As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
