The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How naked do you want me to be?
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