Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
